This time last year, our family was in a very different place compared to where we are today. We were knee deep in recovery back then, just like we are now, and were making some pretty amazing progress, but while we had hope (we’ve always had hope), life was just so much harder for us and for Nicholas last year than it has been this year.
Before Nicholas started pre-school in October ‘07, our marriage was on rocky ground, really rocky ground. During that year, the “d” word was thrown around quite often when things got to be too much, which they often did. I packed Nicholas and I up and left home the night before our 7th anniversary. That same night, I cracked and literally blurted out to my mother-in-law that Nicholas had autism and that I couldn’t take any of it anymore in the midst of my leaving. Needless to say, it wasn’t one of our better days.
Nicholas was getting better, biomed was definately working, and I did have hope that Nicholas would recover - that was never a doubt in my mind. But the pressure of everything - and the pressure of much of it being on my shoulders was more than any one person could take. Add that to the unrelenting guilt for having taken Nicholas to all of those well-baby visits and holding him down while he was given one shot after another going against the voice in my head that was telling me not to do it.
From working with his first two therapists, who were absolutely wonderful and so instrumental in getting us on the right paths early on, and then getting him started and accustomed to go to school, researching biomed, trying to piece together what actually happened to my beautiful little boy and everything else I had on my plate back then. It was just all too much. Add that to sleepless nights up late researching and being a hermit in my home because taking him anywhere was unbearable for all of us.
It’s true when they say, “What a difference a year makes” - Nicholas’s recovery is snowballing. Every day is better than the one before. There are no more tantrums. He is listening, talking and he’s happy. He’s affectionate. He loves school and his teachers. He just amazes us more and more every day. We can take him places. I am no longer a hermit.
This year, I am thankful for so many things.
- I am thankful for that beautiful little boy we call Nicholas and the smile that has the ability to light up a room.
- I am thankful for having a husband who is on board the biomed-train and doesn’t ever ask what any of this costs. (Yeah, that’s a biggie)
- I am thankful for having parents and in-laws who are also on board our train. I can not even imagine how much harder this would be should any of them not be supportive.
- I am thankful for the loving teacher and aides my son has at school. It is so abundantly clear that they all love him and he loves them too.
- I am thankful for the knowledge and generosity that complete strangers who share the common bond of having an ASD child show towards other parents in need.
- I am thankful for the new friends I have made during this journey, both online and in real life.
- I am thankful for the internet as it has been such a valuable tool during this journey.
- I am thankful for Jaqueline McCandless, Kenneth Bock, Andy Cutler, Brian Jepson, William Shaw and Jon Pangborn for the knowledge they shared with me through their books - the information has truly been priceless.
- I am thankful for Jenny McCarthy, for many reasons, but mostly, because for some reason, I no longer sound like a freak when I talk.
- I am thankful for those individuals who never stop fighting for our kids.
- I am thankful for my big mouth which just can’t stop talking about this - because I know, there are babies and kids out there, who were saved because someone they know eavesdropped on my conversation and it made them do their research FIRST.
- I am thankful for finally being able to hear “mommy” and “I love you” and if I bribe him, I can get him to say “you’re the best mommy in the world”
- I am thankful for those moments where I want to tell him to “shut up” because I have to admit wanting to cry whenever I heard a parent of an NT kid complaining non-stop about how much their kid was talking when minecould not utter a word.
- I am thankful that my son is now so aware of life and isn’t living with blinders on anymore.
- I am thankful for all of the moments in this past year which filled my eyes with tears just watching my son excel and do new things that took me by surprise.
- and finally, I am thankful for a year filled with tremendous progress and healing and am very excited to see what is in store for our future and for his.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
